well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
