Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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