I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
