sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
