I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
