At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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