I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
