Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just had sex on a roof
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
