The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
