We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
