Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
