I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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