you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
