I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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