i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The Olympian is in my bed
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
