Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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