I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
