sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
