using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
