why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
