It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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