Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
