I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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