They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
