I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
