Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
