When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
