Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
