i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We smell like vodka and hangover
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
