Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
