There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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