I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
