As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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