pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
her vagine was all disorganized.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
