is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
