i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
