He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
