Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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