i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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