just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
