From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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