im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
