I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
