he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
