I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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