she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
