just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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