Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
