It's like God shit irony all over that family
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
