Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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